It is just all so surreal..

Here I am, 6am in the morning, 1 day past your due date, you hiccuping and kicking, and thinking about my pregnancy and your upcoming birth by induction, starting this evening.

I'm sure other mothers or pregnant women can attest to this. That it is all so strange and surreal that you developed inside of me, that an actual human being grew, like a plant, starting with a seed, and now here I am, with you moving around in my tummy more than before, feeling very big and so heavy. And, because I know that you can see light and hear sounds, I like to think that you actually interact with me when I touch your protruding foot.

Even with all the typical (and not so typical) pregnancy symptoms I went through these past several months, there were times where I would actually forget that I was pregnant, and then I would look down or feel you moving and I'd remember that all this is so worth the chance of actually seeing the day where I can hold you close and connect with you on a completely different level. And the fact that I'm checking myself into the hospital this very evening to start the induction and actually see who has been with me this whole time, is the most surreal part of it.

You have already been medically recognized as being bigger in weight than you should be at this stage of pregnancy, and so the past week has been an emotional rollercoaster for both me and your Dad. I am not one to worry, and I always thought it was sappy when expecting parents would say, "I just want a healthy baby", like "who wouldn't?", but now I really understand that wish. All of the tests up until now have passed with flying colors, but there are still last minute problems that can happen to you and I won't know until you actually come out. I'm such a positive person and tend not to think of the negative things in life, but I am also a realist and therefore, for the first time, in a big way, I worry about you. How much will you actually weigh? Will I be able to give birth naturally or only by C-section? Will you be injured? What will you look like?

Then there is the question of what do we do with you once we return home? I keep having the funny picture in my mind of setting you down on the bed and us just staring at you and you starting back. Other than what we do know is necessary (breastfeeding, diaper changes, baths,sleeping,etc.), do we just plop you down in your little Boppy pink chair and use our mental telephathy to figure out what it is that you want or need? You are not like a pet, that is for sure. We cannot let you in and have you clean,eat, and put yourself to sleep. This is so much more, and we are actually curious about what our new lives will be with you and how this is going to feel and affect us both. The good thing is that we've been frightened (I mean "told") ;o) by our friends and family the truth about babies and how different our lives will be, so although it appears a bit scary, we are looking forward to the challenge.

One thing I know for sure is that we've spent the past 9 months preparing for you, mostly materially, but also mentally, and between your caring Dad and your loving Mom, there is just a lot of attention and love that is just waiting for you. Whatever you look like, whatever problems arise, we will still love you as much as we can, and either worried or not, I am just so excited to have this opportunity to meet you.

xoxo
Mom